Mets Punch Yankees in the Mouth, Snatch Juan Soto

For the low, low price of $765 million

Photo by Mary DeCicco/MLB Photos via Getty Images)

Hi friends-

There’s an alternate universe where the Dodgers are still owned by Frank McCourt and the Mets, the Wilpons.

Over on earth 2, Shohei Ohtani and Juan Soto are both Yankees for the next 10-15 years. Francisco Lindor is a Giant. Mookie Betts is a star in Philly. The Dodgers and the Mets languish on the vine like the wretched Angels, both hoping that Tyler Anderson could be their #2 starter and maybe Michael Soroka their #3. And hey, with a little luck, maybe they’ll each win 84 games and make the playoffs for the first time since 2014 before quietly bowing out in the first round without anyone ever remembering.

But blessedly, the MLB commissioner’s office decided that two flagship franchises in New York and LA would not become baseball wastelands. Not out of some fake show of solidarity with Mets’ and Dodgers’ fans, but because of the money all the owners make when the teams in America’s two biggest media markets do well. Even landlocked boats in Cincinnati and Sacramento rise with the tide, and whatnot.

We just had an LA vs. New York NLCS and an LA vs. New York World Series, both with record ratings. And with the way things are going, we could very well be headed for a re-match on both fronts next October. (Assuming the Yankees get their s—t together).

Anyway, Juan Soto did what we all thought he would do: which was take the most money offered to him in free agency. Mets’ owner Steve Cohen did what we all thought he would do, too: which was refuse to be outbid for Soto’s services. And Scott Boras returned to his pre-2023 roots and secured his superstar client an enormous, unquestionable W.

Jon Heyman broke the news just after 10 PM last night that Soto agreed to a 15-year deal with the Mets worth $765 million. I debated starting a chat in the Substack app for about five minutes thinking you guys might get annoyed hearing from me so late on a Sunday night. But then I remember that everybody in these parts has a baseball sickness, so we all gathered together and tried not to swear too much:

Seven hundred and sixty-five million dollars (!!!!!!!)

According to Heyman, the Yankees offered $760 over 16 years, but Soto was mad about the extra year for five million dollars less and maybe also an overzealous Yankee Stadium security guard. (Been there!!)

Soto is one of the best left-handed hitters who ever lived, sure, and this mammoth contract reflects his skill in the batter’s box. Walks aren’t sexy but they lead to runs, which leads to winning ballgames.

But let’s be clear about something else: this signing wasn’t just about one guy, it was a total realignment of the baseball hierarchy in New York. Little brother grew up and threw his big brother into the East River. Abel slew Cain. The New York Mets are the more prestigious brand right now than the New York Yankees and the biggest baseball brains are exploding.

Yes, Bob. The Yankees are in trouble.

They need a first baseman. A couple of outfielders. Maybe a third baseman and a second baseman. They need starting pitchers and relievers. They need someone to teach them how to run the bases and hit the cut off man and cover first. They need to fire whoever booked Fat Joe.

This franchise has been stuck in the fifth inning of Game 5 of the World Series now for six weeks, and something needs to be done to snap them out of this funk.